


my hand on your heart part 1

by cillasstuff



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Bottom Jensen, M/M, Male Slash, agnst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-16
Updated: 2014-02-16
Packaged: 2018-01-12 14:56:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1189356
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cillasstuff/pseuds/cillasstuff
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Working apart can place a strain on any realtionship, but when your lover is working in another country with a hot man who can't seem to keep his hands to himself, the green eyed monster is bound to make his presence known. Instead of talking to Jensen, Chris keeps his bed warm with others until Jensen has had enough and dissapears. When he finally finds Jensen again can Chris convince him to give him another chance?</p>
            </blockquote>





	my hand on your heart part 1

**Art Title:** Unnamed  
 **Prompt Number:** 3010  
 **Artist:** [](http://whogate.livejournal.com/profile)[**whogate**](http://whogate.livejournal.com/)  
 **Fic Title:** My hand on your heart  
 **Author:** [](http://cillab42.livejournal.com/profile)[](http://cillab42.livejournal.com/)**cillab42**  
 **Fandom/Genre:** Supernatural RPF/, AU, romance  
 **Pairing(s):** Chris/Jensen (main pairing), background Jared/Gen  
 **Rating:** NC-17  
 **Word Count:** 15,599

**Summary:** Working apart can place a strain on any realtionship, but when your lover is working in another country with a hot man who can't seem to keep his hands to himself, the green eyed monster is bound to make his presence known. Instead of talking to Jensen, Chris keeps his bed warm with others until Jensen has had enough and dissapears. When he finally finds Jensen again can Chris convince him to give him another chance?

A/N: Thanks to the mods at [](http://spn-reversebang.livejournal.com/profile)[**spn_reversebang**](http://spn-reversebang.livejournal.com/) for running this again and working with me. I'm pleased to be able to participate. Thank you [](http://masja-17.livejournal.com/profile)[**masja_17**](http://masja-17.livejournal.com/) for the beta and [](http://whogate.livejournal.com/profile)[**whogate**](http://whogate.livejournal.com/) for the lovely art found [Here](http://whogate.livejournal.com/6718.html).

<  


[Artpost](http://whogate.livejournal.com/6718.html).

 

 

Excitement strummed through Jensen’s body as he exited the cab outside of the club, Shorty’s, a little honky-tonk (complete with the peanut shells on the floor) that was located in the middle of L.A to give the southern boys a little taste of home.  
Chris.  
Now that Supernatural had finished filming, they would have more time together and there would be no more stolen moments, no more trying to synchronize schedules. He and Chris would have all the time in the world.  
On the flight from Vancouver, Jensen had envisioned sleeping in, catching up with old friends and more importantly, long days in bed with his lover. The filming was supposed to have gone on through the end of next week, but extremely long days on the set put them ahead of schedule, so now he could surprise Chris.  
Glancing at his watch Jensen knew that Chris and Steve were between sets and after their second set, he was going to let Chris take him back to their apartment indulging in something he hadn’t been able to because of their separation, being fucked through the mattress. In the morning, he would wake up in the arms of the man he loved and engage in some slow, slow loving, cuddling and coffee. Can’t forget the coffee.  
Grinning at that thought, Jensen entered the bar and stopped. Once he got past the bouncer he needed to let his eyes adjust to the darkness and his lungs the cigarette smoke that filled the room. Impatience to be with Chris wouldn’t let him stand still for long, and soon he was moving forward searching the small club for Chris and as usual, Chris was easy to locate. Even though the man was short in stature, he was larger than life, so even if he had not performed a set earlier people would still gravitate to him as they were doing now.  
Spotting Chris immediately, Jensen walked towards him, but he noticed that Chris did not see him because he was too busy whispering in a sultry blondes’ ear. Apparently, what he was saying was too low for her to hear, because she draped herself on his body as she carded her fingers through Chris’ long blonde hair.  
What Chris was saying was being drowned out by the loud music that blasted from the speakers, but judging by the look on her face, Jensen knew exactly what he was saying. Although he could not hear them, Jensen knew what Chris was promising; he knew because Chris’ whispered words in that slow, lazy southern drawl that was pure sex, had put that same look on his face many times just before he fucked him.  
The way this girl’s hand snaked it’s way down from his hair to that heavily muscled chest, there was no doubt that she was more than willing.  
Jensen just stood there frozen in place not believing what he was seeing. It had been two months since he last saw his lover and ironically, they had parted arguing about Chris and his wandering eye, hands, and dick. The last time they were together, Chris had promised Jensen, no more. No more Amy’s, Heathers, or fucking Kelly’s or whatever the hell this bitch’s name was. The pain immobilized his body, so he just stood there and stared while the ache slowly traveled through his entire body and settled heavily into the region that housed his breaking heart.  
He thought to himself, I guess the song was right, when a heart breaks, it don’t break even. Just as the thought passed through his mind, the girl looked up. He was close enough to see her face and even make out the color of her eyes. Green eyes. She has green eyes. She even had freckles, this one. Maybe Chris has a type after all, but the only question was did he want it with or without tits.  
Suddenly everything was too much. The music was too loud, the smoke was heavy and oppressive and the heat was suffocating and he… he just couldn’t breathe. Arriving early was supposed to be a surprise for Chris, but it looked as though the surprise was on him. Jensen had to get out of there. Now. Luckily, Chris had not spotted him yet and it was obvious the girl had no idea who he was, so he quickly left before blue eyes spotted him and full lips started apologizing. He had to leave before a voice that just oozed sex was whispering into his ear, lying to him and convincing him to stay.  
And he would stay.  
When Jensen was in Vancouver, he could pretend that Chris was faithful, but he knew Chris was seeing others and that the monogamy in their relationship was on his part only. When they were together, it was easy to be convinced that he was the only one Chris wanted. There were no others because they spent almost every waking moment together. They had talked about their relationship two months ago; he thought things were settled between them. Chris would keep his dick in his pants when Jensen wasn’t around but apparently that was all it was. Talk. To see him cheat firsthand hurt, and Jensen knew that this had to end tonight. He could not, would not take Chris’ cavalier treatment of him any longer.  
If Chris didn’t want him when they were apart, then he couldn’t have him when they were in the same zip code.  
Somehow, Jensen found himself back at the apartment he shared with Chris when they were both in town and hurriedly packed his things. It didn’t take long because most of his belongings were still in Vancouver waiting to be shipped. He could send an email to the shippers to have the shipping address changed.  
Standing there, Jensen took one last look around, and memories came flooding in. This is the place where he and Chris fell in love, hell the place where they first made love. This apartment was the place where he felt secure enough to let their friends know that he loved a man. This was the place where they let him know it was ok. This place, their sanctuary, and well it was also where Chris brought his fucks, his good times because Jensen wasn’t enough. This apartment would also the place where Jensen left his dreams, his future, and his heart.  
Jensen knew that Chris and Steve had another set to play and he wanted to be gone when a drunken Chris stumbled in with the female version of Jensen. There was a part of him that wanted to stay and confront Chris, but the other part did not want to face the fact that the man he loved did not love him so it was easier to walk away.  
Once he had everything packed, Jensen removed the gold chain he wore around his neck. The necklace held Chris as a symbol of their relationship had given the key to the apartment to him. As Jensen sipped it from around his neck and left it on the coffee table in front of the sofa, he realized that this was the first time he’d taken it off. The taxi he called had arrived and the driver was blowing his horn. As he wiped tears from his face, Jensen walked out without looking back.  
He had all of his belongings except his heart as he walked to the taxi. His heart? That was left on the bed they shared, the shower where the water often ran cold after making love, the kitchen where they cooked, on the coffee table with the key and the necklace because Chris had no use for the former, and Jensen had no use for the latter.  
Even though he shared Chris’ apartment, Jensen still owned a house in LA, but he didn’t want to go there, he needed to be somewhere he wouldn’t be disturbed while he made plans so he had the taxi driver to take him to a hotel. Once Chris found the key, he would call. He would call and he would beg, plead, and promise no more men or women and more than likely convince him to come back. He knew he would go and put the chain back around his neck and piece his damaged heart together and try to make it fit back in his chest.  
It was a known fact that you can only make so many repairs on something until it was no longer worth trying to fix it anymore because the damage was too great to be a thing of beauty any more. This thing with Chris? It wasn’t worth trying for any longer so Jensen was going to leave while he still had some dignity and pride left.  
For all of his bravado, if he talked to Chris, Jensen knew what would happen, so he had to make the difficult decision to make sure Chris couldn’t get through to him. Upon arriving at the hotel, Jensen called his cell provider and changed his number before he opened up his laptop, set up a new email account, and emailed the new number to everyone but Chris. The new information came with caveat that no one was to give his former lover his new information, and if someone did, then Jensen would cut ties with them as well.  
Given his and Chris’ history, Jensen knew that he could count on his friends to honor his request. Even though Chris and Steve were friends as well as band mates, they had nearly come to blows more than once over the older man’s treatment of Jensen, so he knew that he could depend on Steve to keep his whereabouts a secret.  
Since Supernatural had wrapped up its final season three days ago, there were no worries about Chris just showing up on set once they were back in production. If he showed up at Jared’s place in L.A. - well that was not even a worry. Jared had been trying to convince him to break it off with the other man since the first time Chris had been unfaithful. Jared could never understand why Jensen kept going back, so if his friend finally put an end to this farce, Jared was not going to help the person who hurt him.  
The next morning his mom called his new number, and told him to come home to his family, no questions asked and because he desperately needed to get away, he accepted her offer. He knew she would save those questions for a later date. After a sleepless night, and an early wake up call, by noon he was on a plane headed for Texas.  
**********

Chris stumbled into the den and flopped down on the sofa. He couldn’t decide if he was still drunk or hung over. The girl he had spent the last three days with left once she was sober enough to be bothered that it was Jensen’s name he called when he was fucking her. He laughed at the fact that she actually thought she was hurting him by leaving, but what she didn’t realize she was a Band-Aid and once she left the wound opened up, started bleeding again, and would do so until Jensen came home.  
The fucked up thing about this situation was that for a minute when he looked into her deep green eyes and saw the freckles he almost begged her to stay. The reason he didn’t was what he didn’t see, there was no square jawline, day old stubble, or that wicked, wicked grin that drew him in from the first day he met the man.  
He knew it wouldn’t be long though, that Jensen was packing up and now that Supernatural had run its course, Jen would stay here with him. No more sharing him with anyone no matter how close of a friend they were.  
He had waited patiently for Jensen. Years he had waited. He knew that he was the first man Jensen had ever looked at, let alone fucked. He had courted Jensen with their mutual love of music, accidental touches, common backgrounds, and ideology. Those things led up to bolder touches, to gentle smiles and stolen kisses. He was the first, but it seems that someone up north decided that they wanted him too. He knew that he just had to wait this out just as he had to wait for Jensen to turn to him.  
Once he was back in LA, there would be no more sharing, he would be the only one to warm Jensen’s bed, be the only one in his heart. He had waited it out for seven years, so he could be patient. Leaning back on the sofa so he could prop his legs on the coffee table was when he saw it. The necklace. The one with the key and his heart. Fuck! When had Jen been there? He hadn’t heard him come in.  
Jumping up he ran to the bedroom to grab his phone and hit the speed dial for Jensen.  
“Please, please, please,” he begged. “Baby please, answer.”  
He had barely finished uttering that plea before the recorded voice told him that number was no longer in service.  
Chris then started calling, well everyone. No one would tell him where Jensen was, or how to contact him. He finally threw away his pride, broke down and called Jared. He hated the smugness in Jared Fucking Padalecki’s voice as he told him Jen, his Jen no longer wanted him and to fuck off.  
When Steve came over to support him and make sure he didn’t drink himself into a coma, he was numb. He was numb, but felt enough to appreciate the fact that the other man didn’t say “I told you so.” Picking up his guitar, he started strumming and before he began to sing:  
We were so damn good; I guess we never stood a chance...  
He didn’t notice when Steve finally left and he certainly didn’t notice when the tears started falling. He had lost everything and no one would help him get it back.

 

 

Three Years later

Standing on his patio, Jensen determined that it was hot. It was fucking west Texas in July after all, but still it was hot. Despite the heat, Jensen felt good. Better than he had in a long, long time. Jared was going to arrive soon sans Gen, and once he was settled, they were going to throw some steaks on the grill, grab some beers and catch up. It had been a year since he had last seen him and even though he talked to Jared almost every day, he was still anxious to see his friend because he missed Jared.  
He and Gen had split up and he was coming to Jensen to get away from the press and to let his best friend help ease the hurt. Their breakup could be seen coming a million miles away, they knew it and everybody around them knew it, but it still hurt Jared and therefore it hurt Jensen.  
The thing Jensen hated most about Jared and Gens break up, was that even though the relationship was going south, they still loved each other. Now they were more like friends with benefits.  
Jensen walked back inside the house, his home. He purchased it when he first moved back to Texas three years earlier. The stay with his parents had been awkward and short-lived. Six months after arriving back to Texas, he was ready for his own place. It was only about twenty-five minutes away, but he was finally able to have the horses he talked about owning and the peace that he needed.  
His acting career was established and solid enough that he did not have to live in L.A. to get great parts. In fact, he had just finished filming a romantic comedy (of all things), about a week ago and was glad to be home. He should be receiving more scripts to look over this afternoon by courier according to his agent. Life was better.  
The ringing doorbell interrupted his musings. Eagerly, he ran to answer it, threw open the door, and there stood Jared looking as good as a man could after ending a five year marriage.  
Cocking his head, he asked, “Aren’t you missing something?” Jared just grinned and said “Nah, I decided to leave the dogs in San Antonio.” Making a motion with his hands towards the door, he asked “So you gonna let me in without them, or do I have to stand out here all week?”  
Embarrassed, Jensen stepped aside and let him enter. Once Jared was inside, he demanded “Hey you’re not gonna offer me a beer?””  
“Bitch, you ain’t company.” Jensen snarked.  
Jared set his bag down and gave his friend a hug that lifted him off the ground. He set him back on his feet, rewarded him with the megawatt-dimpled smile he was famous for. “Man is it so damned good to see you. You look so fucking good”  
Jensen blushed, and rubbed his hand on the back of his neck, and replied, “Thanks man. Between me, mama and the Cooking Channel, I’mma be fat”  
“What do you mean you, ‘cause I know you ain’t cooking.” Jared said with the Texas coloring his voice since the moment he landed at DFW.  
“Hey man, between Bobby Flay and Paula Deen, I do ok. Besides, you know a southern mama ain’t gonna let her single son fend for himself.”  
“I’ll bet the dishes come with a pretty little thing attached huh? Is Mama Ackles angling for grandbabies?”  
“C’mon, let’s get you settled in good before you start ragging on cooking you ain’t tasted yet, or have me married before the sun comes up.”  
After Jared was settled in, they sat on the patio nursing beers while their steaks cooked. The sun had started to go down and it was getting cooler. Well, at least tolerable enough to sit outside.  
Settling in his chair with a beer, Jared dares to ask, “So, Jen you seeing anyone?” He asks the same question each time he talks to his friend. For a moment, he thought Jensen was going to ignore him. Just as he was going to ask again, Jensen answered.  
“Kinda” he said taking a swig of his beer.  
“Kinda?” Jared questioned surprised. “You know what man, that is better than I hoped for. “ He smiled and continued, “So what do you mean kinda? Don’t get me wrong, after three years, I am so glad you are finally over that dick, but who are you kinda seeing?”  
Jensen shrugged his shoulders and said “Even though he is a dick, I’m not sure I’m over him, but, it’s time to move on. Can’t do that sitting on my ass. I met someone who is sorta going through the same thing so we are commiserating together.”  
“So… what’s his name?”  
“Her. Her name is Danni. Uh, Danneel.”  
“Her name huh? Wait, Danneel Harris?”  
“Yeah, her, and yes Danneel Harris.”  
Jensen had tried, but he couldn’t find the right words to explain his attraction to Chris that would make his friends understand. Hell, he didn’t understand it. They had been friends first, sharing an interest in music and song writing and a shared profession. Two sons of Texas transplanted to Hollywood, and then these feelings just came out of nowhere and blindsided them both, or so he thought. At least they had blindsided him when he fell in love with a fucking man, because it seemed that Chris knew exactly what he was doing.  
He later found out that it wasn’t Chris’ first rodeo, but it was definitely Jensen’s. He would have been perfectly happy knee deep in pussy for the rest of his life until Chris fucking Kane. Jensen has never before and has not since been attracted to a man. One minute they were great friends, and then the next thing he knew he was coming out to family and friends for an asshole who apparently could care less.  
Sighing, Jensen said, “Listen Jared, I know this thing with Chris came out of the blue, I mean it caught me off guard as well as everyone around me.” He made a motion to stop as Jared was going to interrupt him. “I’ve tried to explain it but I can’t. I love the man and cannot seem to get over it even though he apparently forgot about me every time I walked out the door.”  
“Jensen man, I don’t care that you had a big gay epiphany late in life, but what I do, or rather did care about was how the man treated you. How you let him treat you.”  
Jensen shook his head and said, “You know, maybe I was just trying to find the man that made me fall in love with him. We worked so well as friends, we should have been perfect together. I guess I figured that the thing that made me love him had to still be there and if I kept trying, he would show up again. I still can’t understand why it fell apart so fast, and I really can’t understand why he couldn’t love me back.”  
“Well Jen, I do not want to waste another minute of my visit talking about his sorry ass, so tell me about this girl Danni” Standing and stretching his legs, he walked to the grill to check on the steaks, and then demanded, “Oh yeah, and after we eat, I want to see that new pony you been bragging about.”  
Flipping the steaks, he let Jensen’s voice wash over him as he described Danni to him. “Man she is so beautiful, but that’s not the only attraction.” He adds quickly, not wanting his friend to think that he was being a pig. “She’s a little spitfire, man. And funny. She is funny as hell, snarky with just enough sweetness thrown in to balance things out.”  
The wistful look on Jensen’s face gave Jared hope. Hope that if he could let this woman into his heart, then there wouldn’t be any room for the cocky little bastard Christian Kane!  
Jensen and Jared walked to the stables to see the horses after they finished dinner. Jensen loved showing off his “babies” and bragged how much bigger they were than Jared’s. When the tour of the stables was finished, they both finished another beer and decided to call it a night.  
Leaving Jared in the guest room, Jensen made his way to his bedroom. After his shower, he put on a pair of boxer briefs and sat down on the side of the bed. Jensen pulled open the drawer and searched until he found what he was looking for, a silver framed photo of him and Chris shortly after he realized he was in love with the other man.  
They had been at a convention, and Chris had showered him with attention. Steve, who had had a front row seat to the growing relationship between the two men, took the photo to force the issue. The love shown on their faces was undeniable and it was what made Jensen face the truth about his feelings. It was true, pictures don’t lie and right now, he hated the truth that stared him in the face. It was the only physical reminder he had of their time together. Everything else he left with Chris.  
The photo had been on the nightstand, but when Danneel flew in last month to spend a weekend with him, he put it in the drawer, unable to get rid of it completely. He knew he couldn’t have that photo on the stand and perform. Perhaps when he can get rid of it totally, he can purge the man from his heart.  
Who the fuck was he kidding?  
Jensen woke the next morning feeling better than he had in a long time. Jared was here and all was right with the world. He knocked on Jared’s door, poked his head in and advised him breakfast would be ready in about twenty minutes. All he got in response was “humph”.  
Twenty-five minutes later Jensen was informing Jared that breakfast was ready. He is shaking his head and laughing over the fact that he is the one up and alert and Jared is the one hugging the bed. It’s almost ten a.m. and Jared “I get up before the sunrise” Padalecki is still asleep. The ringing doorbell takes him from his musing. His agent told him to expect the scripts via courier today, so that is who he is assuming is at the door this early.  
“Jared foods ready, so get….” Jensen yells over his shoulder, but stops mid-sentence as he jerks the door open and comes face to face with his past.  
You would think that after three years this would be easy to deal with, but coming unexpectedly face to face with the person you cut out of your life like a cancer, not so much.  
“Hello Chris” he said softly “I must say this is a surprise”  
“I imagine so” Chris replied with a lazy smile, “probably as surprised as I was to find your key”  
Taking a deep breath, and white knuckling the door, Jensen said more calmly than he felt, “Look man, I’m kinda in the middle of something right now. I know you’ve come a long way, but can we please have this conversation some other time” Like never, he screamed in his head.  
He couldn’t talk to Chris right now. Between the emotions that were welling up inside of him and the heat pooling low in his belly Chris would have him on his back in no time. Just because he left didn’t mean he didn’t love the son of a bitch. There needed to be time and distance right the fuck now!  
Since Chris had somehow found him, this conversation was going to take place, would not be avoided, he just didn’t want it to be this very moment. Part of the problem is that Chris came here knowing he was going to see Jensen, to have this conversation, but Jensen hadn’t had that luxury.  
Chris gave Jensen his best shit eating grin and said, “Naw Jensen, I think three years has been long enough don’t you.”

 

 

Chris and Jensen had been friends years before they became lovers, so even after not having seen the man for three years; Jensen found that he could still read him and judging by the look of determination in his eyes, he knew that Chris was hell bent on having this conversation. Sighing, Jensen gave in and stepped aside to let Chris enter. This was going to be a long fucking day.  
“Just made a fresh pot of coffee, want some?” he offered, not waiting for an answer, Jensen closed the door and scurried off to the kitchen, hoping the small distance would help calm his nerves.  
“Sure,” Chris responded to Jensen’s retreating back. Jensen returned fifteen minutes later and watched in fascination as Chris paced the floor like a caged animal.  
Jensen busied himself preparing Chris a cup of coffee just the way he liked it, he thought that it was funny that he still remembered stupid shit like that. Jensen worried his full bottom lip and forced himself to ask, “what do you want Chris?”  
“That’s it?” Chris snarled, “You disappear off the face of the fucking earth for three years, and all you have to say is what do you want Chris.”  
Jensen really didn’t expect the anger, well maybe some, but he didn’t really get it. He knew he had been celibate until last month with Danni, but he doubted that Chris had. Hell he wasn’t even celibate the night Jensen left. He doubted that Chris even missed him that much, what with all the warm bodies he had falling onto his dick at every turn.  
“You are really mad aren’t you?” Jensen asked, arching his eyebrow in surprise. “Are you mad because I left or that I didn’t do as expected, and call you and let you convince me to come back?”  
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” Chris asked. “If you were so unhappy, man you could have talked to me. I wouldn’t have been happy about it, but you could have left without sneaking out like a little bitch!”  
He was going to snark out a response to being called a bitch and the unfairness of the accusation, but instead he changed tactics and asked, “How long was it before you realized I had even been there, let alone taken my things and left? What I remember of that night, I’m sure it took some time.”  
“That’s not important,” Chris barked, his flushed face told Jensen what he already knew.  
Jensen continued as though Chris had not spoken, “She must have been good, but it’s important to me so how long Chris?”  
“Two, maybe three days,” he mumbled. “Three days.”  
“Three days,” Jensen repeated, “does that mean that you didn’t get dressed for two, maybe three days?” He asked, “I mean had you looked in the closet, you couldn’t have missed the fact that my clothes were gone. Hell I even took my toothbrush.”  
Chris said nothing as he drew his mouth into a thin line. Jensen cocked his head and asked, “What did you do when you realized I had taken my things and left? Rolled over and went back to sleep? Fucked that girl again?”  
“Ok, Jensen enough!” Chris snapped in surprise. He did not know that Jensen knew about the girl that night. He hadn’t even seen the man. “You don’t get to tell me how I felt. You didn’t see me scrambling to find you! You don’t know how it broke me to know that you left and wouldn’t give me a chance to make it right!”  
Jensen snorted out a sarcastic laugh, “Really? Probably not as much as it broke me to see you with that girl. Probably not as much as it did to know that you lied to me. Probably not as much to know that this,” he gestured towards the both of them with his hands, “was not good enough for you.” Jensen felt the emotions from that night as though they were fresh, as if it happened yesterday so he quickly turned towards the fireplace so Chris could not see what was written on his face.  
His voice broke at the end and he nearly whispered, “That I was not good enough for you”  
Chris’s face softened at the emotion in Jensen’s voice, and had Jensen been looking at the other man’s face, he would have given in at that moment. He stepped towards Jensen, to tell him different, but before he could say anything, Jared’s voice cut through the tension.  
“Man I must be getting old, cause last night wore me out,” Jared grumped as he stepped towards the two men. Stepping in the room, Jared looked as though he had spent the night being ravished. He was shirtless and shoeless, wearing only pair of flannel sleep pants and several marks all over his body as though someone spent the night claiming him.  
“You got break…..” he broke off midsentence when he saw that the other person in the room was Chris.  
Suddenly the friendly, cuddly Jared was gone and in his place was a vicious guard dog.  
“What the fuck Jensen? Why is he here?” Jared growled, staring at his friends back.  
Jensen turned around at the sound of his best friend’s voice, “Jared,” he started.  
“You invited him here?” He asked in disbelief. “Why man after all this time? Is that why you invited me? To play referee?”  
Chris turned to face Jared, he crossed his arms and the softness left his voice as he sneered “Jay-red, should have known you’d be here being Jensen’s.” He looked Jared up and down and said “being the best friend and all.”  
Just as Chris’ voice could be described a pure sex, it could also be said that it was pure filth. When he said best friend, it sounded so disgustingly dirty that Jensen was sure he and Jared both would need penicillin shots.  
Jensen turned and saw both men steadily moving towards each other with a deadly gleam in their eyes. He ran and stopped in between them before the first punch could be thrown. “Stop!” he yelled at both of them, holding them at arm’s length.  
The two men stopped moving towards each other and turned to look at Jensen. For a moment, the only sound in the room was the heavy breathing of all three men.  
Jensen turned to Jared and asked, “Can you give me a moment alone with Chris.”  
He was surprised when Jared shook his head before he vehemently shouted, “No!”  
“Jay please,” Jensen almost begged, “just give me a minute with him, I promise nothing will happen.”  
“Yeah, Jay-red” Chris taunted, “Give him a minute.”  
“Jensen, don’t… This cannot end well for you. I- you… Jeez man.”  
“Jay I can’t let the two of you kill each other, how would I explain that to your mama?”  
“I’m not leaving you alone with him Jen.”  
“Jen,” Chris sneered, “you afraid to be alone with me?”  
Chris looked back and forth between both men and threatened “Jensen, I came here to talk and we are going to talk.”  
“Ok, Chris, I owe you that.”  
“Jen, you don’t owe him shit, he’s the one that fucked up!” Jared yelled, not willing to back down.  
Convinced that the two men were no longer going to attack each other, Jensen dropped his arms, and turned towards Jared, “Jay I will meet him somewhere public, not here. I mean you are here and I wouldn’t be able to stop the bloodshed if we have this conversation here. I know you don’t want me to talk to him, but it’s time.”  
He turned to the other man and asked, “Where are you staying?”  
“At the Ritz Carleton, room 526.”  
“Jens….” Jared started to complain.  
“We can meet at either the bar or the restaurant,” Jensen said over Jared’s complaint.  
“This needs to be a private conversation,” Chris said his eyes shooting daggers at Jared.  
“That’s as private as it is going to get Chris. The restaurant or the bar, you choose.”  
The other man thought about it and relented, “Okay, the restaurant. When?”  
Jensen wanted to reply never, but bit back that reply. “We can meet tomorrow for an early lunch, say 10:30, that way the restaurant will not be too packed and we can talk.”  
Chris nodded his agreement, and headed for the door. “You know Jen, if you don’t show up, I’ll be right back on your doorstep, we will have this conversation, and your best friend will not be able to stop me”  
“Goodbye Chris,” was all Jensen said.  
He opened the door for the man, and there was the courier walking up the steps with the scripts from his agent. Chris walked past the courier as Jensen signed for them. He stopped at his rental car, looked back and waited for Jensen to look up so he could catch his eye. He then repeated the warning with only a searing look, and got in the car and drove away.  
As Jensen stood and watched the car carrying Chris as it drove away, Jared walked outside, stopped beside him and put his hand on his friend’s shoulders. He could feel the tension between the shoulder blades that hadn’t been there last night. No matter what Jensen said, it was a done deal, Chris had him wrapped around his finger again just by showing up and there was nothing Jared could do but be there for him when it came crashing down.  
Jensen and Jared spent the rest of the day in a kind of truce. The visit from Chris stole the carefree feeling from the day before. At the end of the day, Jensen introduced him to the thing that got him through the past three years, horseback riding. He hoped it would be his savior again to get him through tomorrow.

The next morning Jensen found himself worrying about what he was going to wear as though he were a fifteen-year-old girl going on her first date. He finally settled for a green button down and a pair of khakis. There was no way that he was going to think about the fact that the shirt brought out the color in his eyes and that Chris liked him in this color. He was praying that he made it through this meeting with Chris without going upstairs with the man. He knew he couldn’t face Jared if he did. Hell, he didn’t want to go downstairs and face him, but he knew he needed to.  
Just as Jensen made it downstairs, Jared was just coming in from a late run. Jared went to the fridge and grabbed some water. He turned and looked at Jensen where he had stopped, taking in the man’s clothes. “Wow, the green shirt really brings out your eyes,” he said sarcastically, “but I guess Chris knows that huh?”  
“Jared don’t,” Jensen pleaded with his friend.  
“Ok, but you and I both know you won’t come back the same Jensen. Shit man, you were barely holding it together before and now that little fucker is back he is going to break what’s left of your heart and you’re going to let him do it. Moreover, your friends and family…. Well we get to sit on the sidelines and watch.”  
Jensen didn’t have the heart to try to deny it. They both knew he would be lying, and Jensen Ackles wasn’t a liar. Instead of making a bad situation worse, he ducked his head, grabbed his keys and all but ran out the door.  
Jared stood there until he heard the car drive away. He picked up his cell where he had left it on the counter before his run and hit speed dial 8.  
“Hey, Papa Ackles this is Jared, we gotta talk….”

 

Jensen handed his keys to the valet, took his ticket and made his way into the restaurant where Chris was already seated and waiting. Jensen took a moment to study the man. His long hair was a dark blonde with highlights, and his eyes were a brilliant blue. He didn’t look relaxed and Jensen thought that perhaps he was just as anxious as Jensen was. He’d never thought about that. He looked….older. There were lines around his eyes that weren’t there three years ago. Hard living? Tired?  
To Jensen’s embarrassment, people always waxed poetically about his lips, but perhaps they should take another look at Chris’. They were luscious and full, and oh the wicked things that he could do with them. He got half way hard thinking about those things. As he stood there trying to get his body under control, the man in question spotted him, stood up and waved him over. He put his hands in his pockets, thanked God that he did not have on the tight jeans he started to wear, and walked over to the table and sat down.  
As soon as he sat down, the waitress came, took drink orders, and left menus with the men. They both ordered coffee. Jensen really didn’t want to eat, but he ordered anyway because he knew he could use chewing to fill in any awkward moments.  
“So Jensen,” Chris started.  
“Yeah Chris,” Jensen answered. It seems that for all of the other man’s insistence; he was in no hurry to start this conversation.  
Taking a sip from his coffee, Chris sat back in his chair, folded his arms and asked, “Why man?” I thought that we were at least friends. If you didn’t want us anymore, you could have ended it, not disappear from the face of the earth and turn everyone that we know against me.”  
Sighing, Jensen responded, “I apparently didn’t turn someone against you because someone told you where I was.”  
“No one told me anything. I was in Bill’s office when he was sending scripts to you. He left out for a second, and I wrote your address down.”  
“I guess that solves that mystery,” He remarked snidely, “and I guess I’ll need to advise Bill that as my agent he needs to be more careful about my information, never know who might take advantage of his carelessness.”  
Smiling a smile that did not reach his eyes, Chris leaned forward and said, “Okay, enough with the chit chat. It doesn’t matter how I found you, I did, now tell me what I came here for.”  
“What was that Chris? I was totally under the assumption that you didn’t need anything from me.”  
Chris stiffened in his chair, “Don’t try to bullshit me man, you fucking owe me! You,” he almost shouted, but remembered where he was, “You ran out like a little bitch and didn’t give me the courtesy of telling me you didn’t want me anymore.”  
Breathing heavily he continued, “I understand this was different for you, that I was your first man. I get it, I do, but dammit Jensen you didn’t…you just didn’t have to leave me with no chance of fixing whatever it was that was broken.”  
Jensen stared at him too stunned to speak. Chris was angry with him for leaving, for protecting himself. “Are you serious?” He asked. “I mean really? You fucked anything that moved and when I called you on it, no more you said. No more Jensen, from now on it’s just you and me.”  
“We worked through that shit, so what was the problem? C’mon Jensen fucking man up!”  
Taking a deep breath, Jensen asked, “How many times did you ….how many…I…why did you need to fuck everyone you met? Why you….why was I not good enough for you? If you needed that much variety, and by variety I mean other people, then why did you start a relationship with me?”  
“Wow Jensen, you really want to lay all the blame at my door step huh? I guess that’s why you got everyone we knew involved. Were you trying to make them choose sides?”  
“No Chris, I was not trying to get everyone involved. The only thing I asked was that they not tell you how to contact me.”  
“We could have remained friends, Jensen,” Chris insisted.  
“No, no we couldn’t,” Jensen, denied shaking his head. “You would have asked me to give you another chance and I would have said yes. I had to get off that rollercoaster.”  
Chris sat back in his chair, cocked his head and snarked, “So you’re saying that the sex was so good that you kept coming back even though you said I hurt you. I knew I was good, but damn, son!”  
“The sex was good, but I kept coming back because I loved you. That night, had you asked, I probably would have stayed. So again I ask why?”  
“Why what?” Chris drew out.  
“Why is it you couldn’t keep your dick in your pants? Why is it every time I left your bed it never got cold? Why is the fucking sky blue?”  
Leaning across the table, Chris looked into Jensen’s eyes, and snarled, “You fucking know why! You run to our friends and tell them I’m cheating on you, that I hurt you, but what about me? I didn’t run to them and tell about you!”  
“About me?” Jensen questioned shocked, “What about me? What did I do?”  
“You fucked Jared!”  
The waitress chose that time to come and take their orders, but the tone of Chris’ voice made her scared to approach. They motioned her forward and quickly placed their food and drink orders to get rid of her so that they could continue their conversation.  
The shock of Chris’ accusation still showed on Jensen’s face. “What makes you think I fucked Jared?”  
“Because you were, still are probably.” He accused. “I mean that was him coming downstairs half naked yesterday right? Looks like it was a wild night what with all the scratches on his back.’’  
For the first time in a long time, Jensen was speechless. He couldn’t believe what Chris was accusing him of. Him and Jared.  
“Okay, let me repeat this so you can understand it. You,” he pointed at Chris “are the only man I ever fucked, and the only one I ever wanted to fuck. Jared, he’s just a friend; nothing more, nothing less.”  
Jensen wanted to hit something or someone. Preferably, the someone sitting across the table from him. Jared! That’s the excuse he was going to use because he couldn’t be faithful. Utter bullshit.  
Jensen suddenly stood up and barked, “We need to go to your room. Now!” Without waiting to see what Chris was doing, he turned and walked out towards the bank of elevators.  
Chris caught up with him just as the elevator doors opened. “What suddenly you can’t get to my room fast enough, before the thought of being lone with me had you running scared.”  
“You know what Chris, fuck you!” he bit out and didn’t say another word to the older man until they were in his room.  
He had really thought that they could have this conversation without the yelling and now he was hoping that could get through it without throwing punches. Jensen was so angry that he was shaking with it. Chris must have read the look in Jensen’s eyes and stepped back. Just because Jensen didn’t like to fight, didn’t mean he couldn’t.  
“What the hell Chris?” Jensen spat at him as soon as the door closed. “What have I ever done to make you think there is something between Jared and me other than friendship?”  
Running his hands through his hair he explained, “It’s everything. It’s the touching Jensen, all of the goddam touching. It’s also the hugs, and the lack of respect for personal space. The two of you can have a conversation without saying a word.”  
Closing his eyes and taking a deep breath he continued, “He smiles at you and you… those goddam secret smiles and you just melt. It’s like you were practicing with me to get him,” He answered, pain replacing the anger in his voice.  
“Chris…” Jensen started moving forward.  
Chris continued as though Jensen had not spoken. “Then there was that picture of you looking at him as though he was your world. I am the only one that should put that look on your face. Me, Jensen, me!” The hurt and pain he does not often let show breaks his voice.  
“I call bullshit Chris!” Jensen responded, “I spent months trying to save this. Months. I clawed and fought bare knuckle for this,” He pointed at the two of them. “And you? All you did was smile in my face, say what I wanted to hear and fuck me. As soon as I was out of your sight, you went back to fucking whomever. You never said anything, never once did you tell me you had doubts or needed reassurance.”  
Walking up to Jensen, Chris held his ground, “Son, you gotta understand, and I never thought I would have you, so I took what I could get.”  
Jensen stared at Chris as though he was seeing the man for the first time.  
Shaking his head Chris continued, “You… you just don’t get it do you? You don’t understand how people see you. You are so beautiful but so unaware of it. That alone is hot as hell, but then add in the fact that you’re funny and unbelievably talented. You’re the most honest man I know. You don’t notice the people who notice you, who follow you around like a moth to the proverbial flame and just want to just be around you. I thought if I had to share you with that fucking overgrown kid, that this is all I get, then so be it. Those other people were supposed to help me forget that when you were in Vancouver, you were his.”  
Being alone with Chris for the first time in three years, Jensen couldn’t resist, so he leaned in and kissed Chris. Just a taste. After three years, he felt the want sweep through his veins and go right to his dick.  
He broke the kiss and had to visibly rein his body under control. “The problem is Chris, I’m worth the fight. I need someone who won’t settle for sloppy seconds, someone who’d knock down the gates of hell before they would let someone else touch me, let alone fuck me.”  
Before Chris could reply, Jensen was gone.  
Chris would never admit it, but once Jensen walked out the door he cried. He cried for the loss of a man he had loved for the better part of a decade, a man he would gladly give his life for.  
If he had caused Jensen to hurt anywhere close to the hurt, he was feeling now, then maybe he didn’t deserve him. Deserve him or not he wanted him, needed him almost more than he needed air to breathe.

Tomorrow, he would come up with a plan. A plan that would be so spectacular Jensen could not help but be his again. He would grovel and he would beg, but tonight? Tonight he would drink a bottle of tequila. Or two. He would drink away the pain that had come back to roost in his chest.  
He fell asleep well before he started the second bottle, and the pain was still there, but still he went to sleep with a smile on his lips at the knowledge that Jensen had kissed him.

 

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